It's Not All About You
by MissDevon
Summary: Denise and Claudia Joy have it out about the night that Claudia closed the door in Denise's face and the reasons why.


**It's Not All About You**

Claudia Joy stared at her long time friend, anger and hurt on her face. "Denise, you have to understand that the world doesn't revolve around you!"

"And who does it revolve around then? The all wonderful and mighty Claudia Joy Holden? How many times have I been there for you when you needed me? While _my_ world was falling apart I was putting yours back together. Setting up your house. Making sure there was food in your refrigerator. Sipping coffee with you."

Claudia Joy resisted the urge to roll her eyes at that: "how dare you judge me! I just found out that my daughter was acting out because she was still grieving for her dead sister. Amanda wouldn't be dead if I hadn't have stopped that day. If I had just bypassed the Hump Bar and kept driving to the train station, but no. I had to give Betty the check. And she came in and wouldn't leave unless I did. I ran towards her and you didn't move. You got Roland hurt.  
You. . . you didn't do a thing to help Emmilyn through what was going on. You just sat in my house and got her to eat. Made her go to school. Got her to bed.  
You got me up.  
Got me going.  
Made me move on.  
Pushed me through my grief.  
God forbid I grieved!  
Wouldn't be good for the General's wife to break down and show emotion.  
And all the while you were a hypocrite.  
You pushed your son away.  
You threw your marriage away.  
You didn't listen to me when I told you about the baby I thought I was going to have and how I was afraid that people would say I was replacing Amanda and then how I was sorry I wasn't pregnant.  
In fact you let me think it was a good thing I wasn't pregnant.  
That Michael would get over it  
That it would be better for all the plans Micheal and I had been making for the future.  
Talked me into thinking it was a good thing that he didn't retire.  
That I pushed him into not doing it.  
Keep it going the army way.  
And all the while, what were you doing? Screwing some young wounded vet?

I supported your charity.  
I supported you when Frank was MIA.  
I was your FRIEND.

How many times did you lie to my face? Did you use me for a cover?  
I closed that door because I had sent my husband away. I had never let someone else drive him before. We had always promised that the family would never be separated. Now it is. Now I have to find housing somewhere so that Emmilyn can have her way. I have to figure out how to keep her away from Logan. I have to figure out how to move on without one daughter while drowning in the memories of her. I have to live in this house with boxes of memories surrounding me. I have to know that I should be in Brussles with my husband. I have to survive on phone calls and the knowledge that it is all MY fault. I have to deal with it all and your condemnation and DRAMA? Get over it, Denise. You made your choices.

Choices YOU have to deal with.

Same as I have to deal with mine.

Only someone didn't die because of yours.

One daughter died because of mine.  
My family's falling apart because of mine.  
I'm facing mine.  
Why the hell don't you grow up and face yours?"

"You're supposed to be my friend? You think this is supposed to be supportive? Helpful?"

"Sometimes reality checks aren't what we want," Claudia Joy told her sadly. "But I am your friend. But I will not stand by and watch you destroy everyone and everything in your path. Yes, people change, but that is no reason to destroy your marriage. When I pick up the phone to talk to Michael I want it to be about his day and mine. I want to talk about our daughter. I want to talk about the things we would around the dinner table. I want it to be almost as if we were sitting across from each other. I want to be able to close my eyes and imagine him there, holding me.  
Instead I have to call him and ask for information about _your _husband.  
I have to have him call in favors to get information about Frank because he was upset that you were sleeping with a younger guy and screwed up an assignment. An assignment, I might add, that was not only going to get him promoted but also get him home sooner. An assignment that screwed up could also cause your son to screw up and get hurt. And why? Because Denise Sherwood changed. She didn't want to be the devoted Army Wife anymore. She wanted to be a nurse.  
And then that wasn't enough.  
So she went out and had an affair of the heart.  
Only that wasn't enough.  
That guy got killed.  
So she went out and had a real one.  
And now that guy doesn't want her.  
And what do you want me to say? To do? I'm a General's wife, Denise! I live by the Army's rules. Before I am your friend I am Michael's wife. I told you I wouldn't get involved in your mess. Michael and I agreed when you separated we wouldn't take sides, but this is more than taking sides and this is more than a speration. Michael is Frank's friend and CO. Jermemy was Amanda's first love. And above all that I am an Army Wife. That is where my loyalty lies.

I closed that door that night because I was tired. Because I had other things on my mind. If I had that night to do over again I would have let you in because I didn't know then what I know now.  
I will find out information for you on Frank.  
Let you know how he is.  
If he is safe.  
But that is it.  
Because my loyalty lies with my husband.  
I will not allow what happen in with Marilyn to happen again. And although I know that Frank wouldn't do it, I don't know what some idiot loser you drag into your bed or his ex would do.  
Go home and grow up.  
Get your prorities straight and then maybe things will be different."


End file.
